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Yes here it is. The concluding part of The
Revenge of Zombie Ken
You lucky lucky people.
----------------------------------Act
Three-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Carlos: Master Boss, I will join you forever now, I'm sick of playing stupid
board games with those bastards. Them and their pictionary, and their, their,
trivial pursuit. I will tell you everything that you need to know about them,
so you can KILL THEM ALL!!!!
Krishnan: Masa you're zombies are useless, they're a BUNCH OF BABOONS
Masa: It's ok master, they will make short work of that Beale once and for
all, even if he does practice, kung fu.
Krishnan: KUNG fu?
Liam doing parody of that Bruce lee thing at window ledge.) Ma's voice:
Liam, QI's on! (Liam stops practicing and then sits down to watch QI.)
Liam: Wow, QI, cool.
Mickey: Carlos hasn't been here for days! I think he's quit.
Jack: I guess we can't call ourselves the amazing five anymore then...
(Sulk.)
Liam: Don't be so sure!
(Liam walks in wearing really lame uniform.)
Ashley:V/O: God had pissed on us once again. Not only would the government not
fund us, not only had Liam taken my badge, and I'd have to kill the zombie
reincarnation of my best friend, but also my girlfriend Lindsay Lohan wouldn't
return my calls.
Voice: Directory enquiries!
Ashley (To phone): I wanna speak to Lindsey Lohan!
Voice: I'm sorry, I don't think that we can get her number for you, that's
private information.
Ashley: Fuck-shit, thanks.
(Ashley walks around streets with bottles of booze.)
Ashley: I was sick everywhere. In both a physical and spiritual sense. Before
this I had no idea that you could vomit spiritually, but damn my ignorance, I
was. I reawakened my addiction to spearmint polos, downing hundreds and
hundreds a day. I didn't care where they came from. I just needed more. I was
sickened by how quickly and easily people handed them over to me, they had no
sympathy for my condition, they just wanted to exploit my needs for cash.
Shopkeeper( Handing over polo's.): that'll be 25p, mate
Ash: Here's your money, bitch. I hope you choke.
Ash V/O: I had no steady income so I had to steal to fuel my addiction.
Stealing everything I could. (Ash going around a street mugging each and every
person that passes. He runs off with about six bags on him and a kids
balloon.) Ash VO: I tried everything to step down from my polo addiction.
Smoking, heroin, dope, but the rush was never the same. Often I came down and
asked for my money back, but the dealers were pretty rude about it. I wrote
into watchdog about this bad Crack this guy get giving me, but they only
mentioned the subject for a couple of weeks. Not even those bastard on brassed
off Britain gave damn.
Ash (On phone.): Hey, is this Matt Alright? Yeah, I have something that I'm
brassed off about, oh I don't know, how about ZOMBIES! huh? Ninja zombies,
does that do anything for you? What I have to vote? Ok, is zombies and option?
No? Ok. Well, yeah banks do kinda get to me. Ok, thanks matt alright. But
could you mention zombies on the show? Thanks. Bye. (Shot of Ash at home
watching Matt Alright TV show and fuming.) Ash VO: That bastard had lied to
me. Like everyone else.
Ash: I went to see my robotic ally Rick Jupiter. He was being repaired after
some zombie trouble of his own. He was constantly hooked up
to the internet.
He knew all and saw all. Most of it was porn though. He didn't seem to mind.
Rick jupiter: They're hanging out at the school now. They've been using the
science labs to create even more zombies. It's only a matter of time before
there's more of them than there are of us. (ash bangs table.)
Ash: Oh wait, you mean, more zombies than humans, or robots.
Rick Jupiter: Both
Ash: Yeesh-o-rama. What can I do?
Rick Jupiter: I've designed and made a gun for you using scraps of metal I
found
lying about. It should be enough to take out the head zombie.
Ash: Not..... Ken.
Rick Jupiter: Yeah, it's Ken. You knew it was Ken, geez, stop being such a
pussy
about it. God.
Ash: Fine, I'll kill him. Are you coming?
Rick Jupiter: No you guys, always made fun of me for being a robot, it's not
fair. I hate you guys. You're always calling me 'metal ass' and slapping me,
taking perverted pictures of me when I'm asleep. I couldn't care less if you
guys died.
Ash: Fine, I'll go alone. Jerk.
Ash VO: But still zombies were a problem. You couldn't do anything without
them appearing everywhere and ruining everything. (Ash walks into shop.)
Ash: Hey, could I have a pack of polo's?
Shopkeeper: Sorry, we just sold the last pack to those guys. (Points to
zombies eating polo's.)
Ash: F**king zombies!
(Chases them off. He follows them into Denbigh where they disappear)
Ash VO: A school, perfect idea. Nobody would ever suspect that these zombies
headquarters would be a school. Clever bastards. I had my gun on me, as
always. (Shots of Ash doing every day things with his gun ready) But now it
meant business. I called the guys up quickly.
Ash(to phone): Backup yeah, hurry.
Micky: Be there right away boss. Over!
(Ash rings them again.)
Ash: And I'm in the school
Mickey: Oh, ok boss, I'll be right there!
Ash: Looks like I'm on my own until the cavalry arrive.
(Walks around Resident evil style. Shot of opening door. He walks into ILC
where there are hundreds of zombies typing on computers and having a good
time.)
Ash: Fuck-shit!
(Zombies turn and chase after him. He runs down science corridor. Later to
seal himself off in a room.)
Ash: phew
(There's a dead body on the table, he examines it.)
Ash VO: Now I understood where all these zombies were coming from. By putting
magic powder on them they were brought back to life. But who would have such
magic powder? Not... (Masa claps in background.)
Ash: Masa, it all makes sense now.
Masa: That's right I've been bringing these zombies back with my magic powder.
Ash: But that doesn't make any sense, scientifically speaking,
Masa: Yeah well it's too late for that hero-boy the clock is ticking, my
minions have already began their march into Washington. Soon they will take
over the Whitehouse and one will take the place of the president, then create
mindless wars with every other country until the whole world is gone!
Ash: Your plan won't work. Nobody would believe that a mindless zombie with
now control over it's own action would make it as president in a democracy.
(Silence.)
Ash: And furthermore nobody would then go onto believe that this mindless
zombie could start a war with an abstract group to then target specific
countries....
Masa: Yes, we got the parody the first time, it wasn't funny then. Either.
Ash: Why are you doing this, the Big Boss is dead.
Krishnan: Don't be so sure Smashley Chan! Masa brought me back too. And with
my brains and his brawn, we shall rule this planet! (Both laugh.)
Liam: Don't be so sure of that!
Ash: Liam!
Masa:Liam?
(Krishnan and Masa run out of other door.)
(Liam unties Ashley, even though he wasn't tied up.)
Liam: Doesn't matter, lets get those bastards. Oh and Ash, one more thing. I
forgot to give you your badge back... ...partners?
Ash: Partners!
(Cheesy high five.)
(Both run down the corridor after Masa and Krishnan. Also being chased by
zombies.)
Mickey: Hey guys! Mind if we join in the fun?
Ash: The more the merrier!
(Now all the zombies have weapons, but so do the amazing five. All classical
kung fu weapons.) (Show of Ken running along bridge.)
Ash: Ken! (Fights for a bit.) Guys, I'm going after Ken, will you be alright
to fight these guys of for a while?
Mickey: Yeah! Of course, we're the amazing five!
(Ash runs off.)
(Shot of Masa and Krishnan in the background.)
Liam: Masa! Guys, I'm going after Masa, will you guys be okay?
Mickey: Of course! We're the amazing five!
(Liam runs off. Mickey and the others realise that there's only three of them
left.)
Mickey: He guys, do you mind if I run after someone too?
Dave: Nah you're staying here.
Jack: Yeah
Mickey: Damn.
(The three get killed by zombies.)
Liam chasing Masa down corridor. Excuse for some action, cheesy as possible.
Then same with Ashley, always defeating zombies with various things in like
doors, glasses and tables, but always makes a pun. But sometimes he has to
make a pun very quickly and move on from more zombies. These puns include:
Table - huh, I was always good at my tables. Chair - huh, he who chairs wins
Chalkboard- huh, this board meeting is cancelled
Liam and Masa on bridge.)
Masa: Let us end this! Once and for all!
Liam: Yes, let us end this... once and for all.
(Liam then fights Masa, snaps his neck, but then remembers that last time it
didn't work so stabs him too. Masa then gets up very jerkily and we have
some lame metallic sound effects. He does some robotic break dancing. Maybe
TOO much.)
Liam: W-w-w-w-w-what!?
Masa: That's right, I'm a robot, and with my robot powers I will kill you!
(Liam and Masa fight once more. Masa has one amazing move where his 'hands
(gloves.) fly off and punch Liam, and later to strangle him. Liam gets badly
beaten and eventually kills Masa using the 'shocker' technique that master
Wong taught him. Beautiful.)
Krishnan comes out of the shadows and grabs
him by the throat. The two have a fight, but now Krishnan is super-powerful
and just beats liam up again and again.
Krishnan: Don't you get it, I can't die, I'm INVINCIBLE.
Ash fighting zombie Ken.)
Ken: Kill me, Ash, kill me.
Ash: No, I can't I just can't!
Ken: Do it, or the world will end. You must be strong, my little soldier.
Ash:But...
Ken: I'll make you kill me then!!!!
(Ken attacks Ashley. After a long fight the two are both worn out.) Ken VO:
This kite is fucking wicked Ken VO: It'll be like this forever. Ken VO:
Forever (Ash screams raises gun and pulls trigger.) (Really bad effect of
Ken's head exploding, replacing his head with a yellow
balloon with a wig on it and a face drawn filled with ketchup at the very last
second.)
(Ash holds onto balloon.)
Ash: Ken, is wasn't meant to be like this, Ken it was you! KEEEEEENNNNNNNN!
(So photos of good times come up with cheesy music playing.) Ken VO: Yeah,
it was my. And when you promised that you'd protect me and liam, I made a
promise that I too would protect you.
Liam being strangled by Krishnan is finally surprised when Krishnan (And all
the other zombies fall down, start shaking and go, ERRRRRRRRRRRR. Then all
abruptly disappear.)
(Ash finds Liam and helps him up.)
Liam: Wow, that's one adventure I sure won't forget in a hurry. (Both
laugh.) (Carlos tries to walk past subtly, he's carrying a copy of 'splat'.)
Liam and Ash: CAR-LOS!!!
Carlos: Splat anyone!?
(All laugh lamely, as the screen fades to black.)
------------------------------------------------------------THE
ENDE----------------
-Liam
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