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Diary entry number Twenty one.  

Just got flashed by a mafia guy in a leopard skin robe in my hotel in
Yantai. Tiny, tiny man.
 
Good times.
 
There's no heating. There is STILL no heating. It is cold.
Food isn't great. Even though we've just hired a cook the food is exactly
the same as when the guy working on the academy website cooked it. I don't
see why. Actually the best meal that I've had here is when Wei Shifu cooked
for me. Noodles, damn good.
 
A lot of people email me and ask me what it's like to be home in England,
and if I'm planning to come back to China and stuff. This I don't quite
understand. For one, I'm IN CHINA. When did I ever say 'yep, I'm getting on a plane home to England now. Yeah,
I bought a coke and watched bondock saints on the way over.' ?
 
 I'm in China!! Silly people.
 
Also people email me concerned that I'm never coming home, which is also
wrong. I will, just in 7 months. Alright?
 
Everything happy now?
 
Sigh. Ok.
 
Here's a list of things that people need if they're going to China. People
ask me this a lot. I won't include the really basic things like toothpaste,
that if you need me telling you to bring, then God help you:
 
  1. Laptop
  2. Dvds of shows unique to your country. Movies can be bought anywhere. -Pillow/Pillow case of your own.
  3. Your own pair of binoculars to wear around your neck at all times so people don't randomly walk up to you on the street with a pair that they'll offer to sell you
  4. A t-shirt saying 'Please don't touch me'
  5.  A Chinese looking friend who speaks no Chinese, because hilarity will prevail when people will talk to him for HOURS before realising that he doesn't speak the lingo.
  6. Multiple photocopies of your passport, people always ask for it, and hold onto it for WEEKS, as if you don't need it.
  7. TEA. Here we are in China, tea capital of the world, but getting real English tea is hard. Every time we ask for it we get laughed at.
  8. More shoes then you could possibly imagine
  9. Super glue to fix you shoes, because you ignored me and packed far too few
  10. But my number one amazing piece of advice, which I missed my chance to do, is to buy an electronic translator for 10 pounds, that perfectly translates every single word.
 
Silly me.
I'll get by.
 
 
GOODBYE BITCHES

 

 

 

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