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THE AMAZING ENDING THING              16th of July 2005
 
Yeah Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeha yeahehaehheahe
 
I should have done this ages ago. But really I've just been busy with other things, that probably weren't that time consuming now that I look back at them, but I'll find a way of dragging them out in some way.
 
Basically, the only thing that seems weird about being back in England is that everyone wants me to buy their crappy ringtones, and there's a new bunch of crap music. I feel like the music really hasn't changed at all though, I'm sure that in a new year there hasn't been any real movement, just new songs are coming out now. Maybe that sounds pretty closed minded, but it really does seem like it.
 
I slipped back into everything really quickly. Only one person hugged me, which was pretty good, I hate being hugged. I was kind of disappointed that nobody actually tried to hug me, maybe they all just know me pretty well by now. I didn't know what to make of it. I returned on June 9th, to surprise my sister at school the day after, it was her birthday. I pretty much just hid in the car and waited for her to come in, she screamed, it was nice.
 
...and no. No sign of Masa. I'm pretty sure he's blocked me from MSN too. 
 
Most of my friends are pretty sick of me already, but I'm still running into people that I liked perhaps too much, and hating every second of it. I look back on these things and they just seem pointless, in comparison to the changes made in my personality over the years they all seem to have stood still. Maybe we just don't broadcast changes, or ever really recognize them in each other.
 
I would like to end this with some kind of life altering moral or something, but maybe the fact is that I can't. I don't really know anything profound that's worth saying. People already know all of the stuff that I know, and if they don't they'll find it out soonish anyway. And it would probably be stupid to say that I've changed in any specific way, because that should speak for itself in the actual changes in my tone etc etc. I hate it when people tell you about themselves like that, urgh it makes me sick. Maybe I have grown up a bit, I don't know. Basically I feel like nothing's really changed about me, but I've always been pretty bland.
 
A lot of people have been emailing me lately telling me to cheer up. I don't get that, but please stop. I'm alright, and I'm on my way to getting better anyway. That doesn't make sense, but I don't have to make sense. Sense is for boring people. Really, I just have mood swings, just because I'm sad sometimes it doesn't really mean anything because it'll pick up again later.
 
I have a plan though, it's amazing and I haven't told anyone yet. It's going to be fantastic. It's just about actually going all out to make myself stupidly happy. It's worth a try at least.
 
Trouble TV is awful, a year without it was much appreciated. As was a year without having to actually have (or pretend to) have a personality.
 
So what I'm doing now is getting a degree around martial arts. Or at least that's my plan for this year, don't quote me on it. It should be in the university of Derby in Buxton. Starting September time.
 
I'm teaching some friends some stuff too. I'm not planning on charging them (frankly I'm not that good to really charge people.) but they seem insistent on paying. Fair do's. I'm not going to stop them. Incidentally for you guys that read this (you know who I mean, you guys.) if you ever want me to teach you anything, just ask, you've got my email address or you could just ring Erica. We'll work out something.
 
Hmmmm. What else.
 
Who wants a fun fact?
 
Between the beginning of 2005 up until MAY, I read The Catcher in The Rye more times than I had showers. FACT.
 
 
Oh yeah, for all of those people that I had long ongoing conversations with for ages, a big CHEERS GUV. That was pretty cool talking to you all. And for those who wished me luck in 'getting the girl', well, I'm thinking about it. (I say that, but really I'm taking big steps in avoiding her as of late. Long story.) But really, this isn't Hollywood, I'm definitely not Brad Pitt,  and I'm not exactly going to kill myself if things don't work out. My friends are stupidly optimistic though. Bastards.
 
Well I kind of miss Mirko, and Stan, and even ol' Brannon. You know, if something ever happens to you, don't ever talk about it. It just makes you miss everyone.
 
  
 

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