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Diary entry fifty four
 
It's that time of year that I usually neglect because it's simply too
boring. You can't see the sun, but you can feel it, and the opposite applies
to the wind. In a way it kind of reminds me of England, and I'm glad to know
that all over the world the smell of rain on cement remains.
 
China has some rarities that passed me by before. I had only remembered
yesterday on account of reading through a massive list of 'English'
references in Japan on a website that a friend sent to me. In China there
are so many spelling mistakes and grammatical mistakes lying about the
place, whether you look for them or not. In fact they're pretty much shoved
in your face.
 
Par exampler: "Wiuuie the pooh is a stffed toy ounied ly chrstipher rolin."
which true as it may be, doesn't quite get it's message across as efficiently
as it could. That was in the back of a Siping taxi, where the interiors are
themed to something nice and tacky, like leopard spots or zebra stripes. In
fact one taxi had both of them, and shall ever be known in my mind as 'The
Safari Express' no matter how stupid I feel remembering it that way.
There are still the old favourites of "ball cake" and "crack sandwich". My
favourite thing that somebody has said to me though is when I was ordering
tea someplace and the girl asked me if I would "Like small black glass in
it."
 
I thought about it, and in time replied "No".
 
The most annoying thing by far though has to be the fat smiling men that
come up and scream "HELLLO!" into your face, and then all of their friends
giggle like idiots because they said a vastly offensive and humbling word at
me. Those swine! I think they either expect me to laugh with them or jus run
off crying. Instead I have my stiff English upper lip, and then cry at night
when nobody can see. I wouldn't care so much if they could at least
pronounce it right, or just not shout it.
 
I don't mind it when kids or girls do it though. Then it's just cute.
It was my birthday a while back as well, and they did that whole 'Let's
pretend that we've forgotten' routine. I love that. I loved that so much
that I cried that night. But we had cake and watermelon, and I had seven
Chinese guys around me singing Happy Birthday, and me just blushing the way
I do. I think I proved the point that I never feel full when eating to Wei
Shifu by eating two (large) pieces of cakes and three pieces of melon. I
offered to eat more if it would prove my point, but he assured me that he
believed me.
 
And I had a beautiful phone call with both parents. With my mother I
mentioned that I had read Catcher in the Rye more times then I've had
showers this year. Which is true, but let's not dwell on that. I also said
'Now I have female genitalia.' I think I'm more vulgar talking to my parents
then I am talking to my friends.
 
Somebody asked me about the insects here. We have insects, scary gigantic
insects that will devour us all in our sleep. Kind of. We have ants outside
the are as big as my perception of spiders, and spiders which are too big.
I'm not so bothered though, and long as they stay where they are, which
typically they do, I'm happy to coexist around them, until I'm close enough
to squash them up with a staff.
 
Good stuff.
 
Peace out my darlings
 
 

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