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Diary entry thirty-six
 
WOW - Morphine and sleep THEN write, ok. ok. I can do this.

Sorry, lost my head there. Even me in my eternal critical nature of things I
sometimes go and stab myself in the back and make a huge hypercritical fool
of myself- don't we all? Nah, just me? Ah well.

My excuse? Err, dunno.

So actually what I want to do is NOT completely forget about what I wrote,
but explain it AGAIN, in a more 4amish way. The fact is that this is what I
think about all day and I think I COULD go on and on writing about how cold
it is here but that's SO TEDIOUS.

HERE IT IS

I don't want a job in an office, if I do I'll probably shoot myself. I'm
wondering if there's anything that I can do about it though, because for
half of the time I'm completely zonked out of my head. What do I mean by
'zonked'? ASLEEP.

I haven't felt awake it ages, I don't know if I ever have.

My fear is that I'm asleep so often that I'm never really alive, and that my
life is a result of habits of my body and personality then of my own free
will. But I'm not egocentric to think that I'm the only person who feels
like this, people always ask me about things of this nature.

WE'RE ALL ZOMBIES SOMETHING MUST BE DONE. GRAB ME AND SHAKE ME SCREAMING 'I'
AT THE SUN AND TAKE DOWN GOD AND ALL HIS LITTLE MINIONS. WE'LL START A NEW
LIFE OF ENLIGHTENING AGNOSTICS AND DRINKING JUICE FROM COCONUT MONKEY HEADS
ON A BEACH IN MARS. EVERYMAN IS GOD OF HIS OWN LIFE, AND THE LIFE OF HIS
WIFE.

Let's see if people take me seriously THIS time.

It's like being tied to a rollar coaster with a really annoying voice and
big hair, and no matter how much you scream THEY AIN'T GONNA STOP.

Ok enough of that. If anyone has ever felt like being tied to a rollar
coaster with a really annoying voice and big hair, then please help me out
on this one. We'll talk about it in email form, I don't wanna spray it all
over peoples faces like--- --well you know what it's like.

Now for more interesting matters.

Why do modern films suck so much? Jees, they're all so lame. I hate CGI,
what's the point? When characters look like they're made out of plastercine
for a few seconds and the camera suddenly becomes hugely mobile and flies
about the place. It completely ruins the fluidity of film watching. There's
always this part in a film after I've been completely absorbed and then
everyone turns to play-do and the moment is lost.

Also there's absolutely no emotion in film anymore. You just have music
trying to tell you which emotion to feel, which really does nothing. Wu-oh
somebodies died, the sad music's playing, I'd better be sad.

wuh-oh Trinity's dead, wuh-oh Neo's dead, wuh-oh cinema's dead.

Recently I've been listening to a lot of Radiohead, doing a lot of weights,
and generally being superior to everyone else in the planet. Just as we all
thought that it was getting warmer it snowed again, AGAIN. You may have
noticed a pattern. It's cold, yes that's right folks, it's cold.

see this is why I don't like writing about how I am anymore- you already
know, I'M COLD.

Conclusion - People are zombies and I'm the savoir. Wait a minute, I was
trying to get away from that conclusion, ah well I likes it boy howdy.

And I should probably tell you crazy cats to check out Stan's stretching
article that he's recently finished at www.pawn-o-matic.com
I think that's it. I helped out in some of the pictures, but you could
probably work that out by the fact that I'm in them.
 
 
 

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